FEELing Disconnected?

How do you FEEL….about your feelings? 

As peculiar as this question may sound (and feel), it is one I often ask my clients. 

Why? 

Because our relationship with our feelings significantly impacts our ability to GET and STAY connected to our authentic voice. 

How do I know this to be true? 

Well, mostly because I have lived it….

I was born feeling things deeply, but it was not until my late-ish 20s that I realized how hard I had been working to COMPLETELY AVOID my feelings. 

It was a part of my survival. 

I learned early that my big feelings were an inconvenience that no one, including me, had the time, space, or energy to indulge. 

If I wanted to be liked, loved, or accepted, me and my feelings needed to find a corner, sit down, and chill the heck out. So that is what I/we did. 

I showed up happy because that made everyone around me happy. I showed up confident because that is what made everyone around me comfortable. I showed up strong because that is what everyone around me expected. 

But deep down, I felt lost, confused, and overwhelmed by life. I didn’t know what was missing, but I knew SOMETHING was missing. 

Thankfully, as I found myself in a place that felt mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically debilitating and dark, I was encouraged by a dear friend, someone who saw beyond the facade I created, to seek professional support. 

And although I initially resisted the suggestion, I quickly came to one conclusion – I could no longer do it on my own. 

I started therapy and eventually started working with a life coach as well. 

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As I began that season of growth and healing, I realized something very important….

The heaviness I felt was a result of the fact that I spent more time packing my feelings away than exploring and understanding them.

I never allowed myself to be too happy or too angry. I never allowed myself to be too excited or too frustrated. I never allowed myself to be too hopeful or too disappointed. 

I gave myself (and everyone around me ) permission to ignore the parts of me that longed to be nurtured, heard, and understood. 

With each repressed and rejected emotion, I became a version of myself that was palatable to everyone BUT ME. Slowly but surely, I became disconnected from MY authentic voice. 

In order to start getting reconnected to my AUTHENTIC voice and begin living the life I was created to live, I had to set the intention (and keep resetting it) to own several things….

#1 – Cars need to be fixed, not people. 

By the time I decided to seek professional support, I was convinced that I was this “broken” vessel that needed to be “fixed”. That way of believing exacerbated the shame, loneliness, and frustration that had quietly taken root over the years. 

With support, I learned I was not this broken soul that needed fixing. I was a human being who needed to create new patterns of thinking and believing so that I could heal and grow. 

#2 – My feelings are safe with me. 

I spent DECADES seeing my feelings as unsafe, a part of me that needed to be packed away in the darkest corner of the closet if I wanted to survive this thing called life. And when I struggled to pack them away, I chastised myself harshly. 

Slowly but surely, as I began to pull box upon box of my feelings out of the closet (metaphorically speaking), the heaviness I felt began to lift. The loneliness began to lift. The confusion began to lift. I became more clear on what I wanted and needed, and I was able to begin releasing my attachment to the expectations of others. And THAT meant I was able to connect to MY authentic voice. 

#3 – I am a work in progress and that is A-OK. 

Undoing DECADES of messaging that said it was not safe or acceptable to allow myself to FEEL or express my emotions was not a “one and done” situation. I still find myself trying to disconnect from my feelings as I move through life’s ups and downs. 

But, as with most things, our awareness of the old patterns of behavior helps us reset and reconnect to new patterns. Hitting a bump in the road doesn’t mean we have failed. It means we are human. 

#4 – Where there is vulnerability, there is growth. 

Although I spent years thinking vulnerability was a recipe for disaster in all parts of life, the truth of the matter is that vulnerability creates understanding. And it’s not just about being vulnerable with others. What is MOST important is making room to be vulnerable with ourselves. 

As much as we want to ONLY experience happiness, peace, and excitement, when we give ourselves permission to experience the full gamut of human emotion, we are giving ourselves permission to connect deeply to ourselves and our growth. 

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Sooo… How are you feeling? 

Remember, the question of how you are feeling IS NOT about responding in ways that ensure those around you are comfortable because when you suppress what you are feeling, you create a disconnect from self that negatively impacts your growth, healing, and, ultimately, your ability to connect to your authentic voice.

This question IS about challenging yourself to dig deeper, to flip the expectations of others on their head as you open the door to be vulnerable and honest with yourself about where you are in this moment – good, not-so-good, and everything in between. 

Yes. This does mean that you are sometimes diving into uncomfortable conversations with yourself (and others), but it is those conversations that create space for the healing and growth needed to GET and STAY connected to your authentic voice. 

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You have made it this far. Don’t stop now….

Now that you know where I started with my feelings, I encourage you to take time to think about where you are today, and how you want to move forward. 

As challenging as it can be to fully embrace the range of emotions we experience from one day to the next (or even hour-to-hour), it is important to remember that when we choose to embrace them fully, we are choosing to honor the truth of who and where we are. 

Ready to dig a little deeper? Order your copy of Permission to Feel: A 30-Day Guided Journal for Deep Self-Discovery, and then check out my calendar to schedule your complimentary consultation.