Challenging Chats
“OUCH!” She yelled, jumping up from her seat and holding her ears.
With a quizzical look on my face, “What?”
“You know my ears are sensitive and that was loud!”
I looked, immediately annoyed by what felt like melodrama, “It’s just the ironing board.”
“But it hurt my ears! They’re ringing right now.”
“How? You know it’s rusty. You knew I was setting it up."
“I wasn’t watching you. I was reading. You know my ears are sensitive. And that was loud.”
“You’re so dramatic,” I said, rolling my eyes. “It was NOT that loud! YOU open it all the time without all this drama!”
Frustrated by the disregard for her feelings, “I always open it slowly because of the sound. But just forget it. It is what it is.”
Unwilling to let it go, “Well, if you would oil the legs that wouldn’t have happened. Or, better yet, you could just buy a new one!”
Silence.
“Oh, now you have nothing to say?” I asked, my voice full of disdain.
“Just forget it.” she said, exasperated.
For several minutes, the only sound in the room was the steam being released from the iron as I moved it over an olive green t-shirt.
I stood there quietly wrestling with annoyance and confusion, wondering why it seemed to make more sense for me to connect to feelings of frustration than to her.
I stopped ironing, sat down in front of her and said, “Hey. I apologize.”
Passive-aggressive comments. Rolled eyes. Silence.
Who would think the mere act of opening an ironing board would lead to a contentious exchange?
Well, here’s the thing… In those moments of silence, as I stood there ironing and thinking, I gently asked myself one really important question, “What is this really about?”
I responded with a simple, “I don’t know. Maybe ________.”
I did this again and again, filling in the blank with possibilities that could lead to clarity, peace and forgiveness.
Albeit relatively short, this internal conversation invited me to be curious and open, to consider why it felt easier to lash out and blame than to acknowledge a simple mistake.
It turns out the funkiness had nothing to do with my wife (Surprise! Surprise). It had everything to do with the 10 minutes I had spent, just before opening the ironing board, aimlessly scrolling social media. I felt my mood shift then but ignored it.
That realization felt funky. So funky that I had to then stop myself from judging myself so that I could get to what was really important. “Hey. I apologize.”
And guess what!
That apology was not just for her. It was for me. It was important for me to acknowledge that I not only disregarded her feelings and needs, but mine as well.
While it is not easy to take the time to do this kind of exploration, it is important that we take the time to look at our feelings and dig deeper into how we are responding to or treating others. The time spent will work wonders to improving your relationships with others and yourself.
Things to Keep in Mind:
Curiosity is your friend. Be willing to ask the tough questions and open to discovering the answers.
Trust that the time taken for self-exploration is time that will reap big dividends in your personal growth and healing.
Discovering uncomfortable truths can feel scary. Do not let that stop you because it is often the scariest things that lead to the most profound opportunities to grow.
Self-compassion means we are leaving judgment behind as we endeavor to learn more about who and where we are.
Do you need support learning how to tackle those tough internal conversations?
Let’s talk about it! Message me today to set up your complimentary consultation.